Hey guys, I came about this blog post after asking my IG followers some topics they'd like to hear more about. Someone recommended I talk about the dating experience here in New York and I thought'd it be interesting to discuss. I knew I'd eventually write about love and relationships so this is a great topic to start with. I also got some feedback from some of my friends and IG followers so let's see what they had to say! Just an FYI, I did not expect this topic to be so difficult being that I got soooo much cons!! LMAO. Like it was actually hilarious. So bare with me, I tried getting as many diverse answers as possible.
So before I jump right in, let me tell you guys my dating overview. Like mentioned in my Pilot blog post I moved here in 2016. So it's been 4 years of different experiences; both men and women. I only been in one serious relationship since moving here which ended in May 2018. So it's been a little over 2 years that I've been single... and it's definitely been interesting to say the least. Being practically thrown into the New York dating world with no history of anyone or any knowledge of who you may be entertaining is definitely a good and bad thing. Sometimes I i wish I knew the people here growing up so I had a better understanding of how our time together may go. On the other hand it's nice having no prior knowledge of anyone's past and their previous dealings.
I've definitely had a mix of negative and positive experiences here, but at the end of the day it's all a learning experience that makes it easier to find the person whose really meant for you. With that being said, let's get into these negatives and positives of the dating experience out here.
I guess I'll start with the cons so that way we can end on a good note (lol).
Cons
Some New York men are not as ... how do you say... emotionally competent as you'd like. They sometimes lack basic understanding and communication which can be annoying. But after being here for this time I think I understand why. Being born and raised in New York, I'd imagine you're exposed to a lot of crazy things starting from a young age. The typical New Yorker quickly learns to mind their business because there's always some crazy shit going on; either walking down the street, at a party/club, on the train, etc. So by learning and seeing these things from a young age, the emotional response probably isn't as reactive as a non New Yorker. I get it. Since being here I've definitely had to turn my emotional side down a notch. A lot of things people here experienced growing up I didn't. So it's no surprise that they're may be some indifference between me and the people I meet. I experienced it with both friends and lovers so it just seems to be a "thing" here.
Another con, It's a lot smaller than you think. Once you get around a certain "group" or meet certain friends you realize everyone is connected in some way or another. It can be annoying and frustrating to say the least. You truly just have to figure out how to navigate and find your own way. I truly didn't learn that until last year, but glad I learned sooner than later! This "con" was actually the most popular one (lol). It was literally the only response I got when I asked in an Instagram story. Here's some of the responses I got.
@zorahues says, "for a city so big everyone knows each other.
@bryanna richie says, "there are no pros!" ouch!
@mheri.jackson says, "everyone knows everyone! Bound to get information on the person whether you want or not. It's a blessing and a curse, You could literally learn so much about someone before dating them if you say their name to the right person." She goes on to say it can be a pro and con, just a matter of listening.
I actually received so many negatives and repeats of this answer that I had to ask my followers to please send me something positive!!
Good grief! It's only my 4th year out here... is it really that bad?!
@robodante says it's ""toooooo mixy." I definitely agree with this. There's always a sense that you have to be super aware of the people around you. Or there's either some weird looks from girls you never even met before! (which I really dislike!! Like damn why cant we all be bad bitches together?!)
Another con is the fact that we're literally in a pandemic right now. My roommate Harrison says it's been difficult trying to meet new people with the social distancing rule going on. Clubs and bars aren't really open and everyone that does go out kind of stays to themselves. There's not really a huge opportunity to spark up new relationships. This is actually such a good point. So many people are working remotely, from home and just staying in the vicinity of their own home. When will the 'normal' dating experience return? Is their even a 'normal' anymore?
My friend Orie says a con is a lot of people have no discipline here. I asked him to further explain what he meant by that and he says there's not many people who grew up in a healthy two parent home so no one was really exposed to a loyal happy family. There is no familiarity of discipline or a need to be loyal because of our experiences growing up. So for people trying to date it's going to be hard. This actually made a lot of sense to me. How can we expect to be good at something, in this instance relationships, if we were never taught and shown it growing up? So whose really to blame?
I really wish I could've gotten a wider response of cons but it seems as if we all agree that New York is just too small despite what you think. For me this was shocking. As someone who always saw NYC as a huge city with millions of people it came as a shock. But despite what you may've read above I did manage to get a few positives from the people!! Let's discuss...
Pros
So for starters a pro for me is the opportunity to meet so many people. This may sound like a contradiction to the con of New York being small, but outside of the tiny bubble you're most familiar with, you can meet some amazing men and women. There's so many places to go and discover, different boroughs, different bars, restaurants etc. If you do get the opportunity to venture out of your comfort zone you should. You may find someone completely out of the box of what you thought you liked! The amount of culture and diversity here is truly a eye opening experience.
A pro would also be the amount of talented men and women here, mentioned by my friend Orie. Literally everyone out here has their hands on something, doing something productive. You have the opportunity to meet so many people with a vision that may be similar to you or even different. Being able to collaborate and spread your knowledge beyond what you know is a beautiful thing. I've met so many friends (and people that were more than friends) based off our creativity. Being a part of another person's creative journey while working on your own can be very inspiring and motivational for someone, so I'd say the talent here is definitely a pro.
Another pro that was pretty popular is that there's so many places to go for dates. Expensive and cheap. Classy and low end. Boujie brunches to $1 pizzas, there's literally so much to choose from. Also there's a lot of free date options like parks, museums (well some museums) or literally just driving around the city.
Another pro mentioned by @t.yox says is the amount of sexual health resources there are here. This is kinda funny but actually so true. For the people who have high, active sex drives your resources are endless! There's so many FREE resources like Planned Parenthood and STD Clinics literally everywhere around us. For most of them you don't even need insurance which is great. You get your results back within 3-4 hours via text so it's very reliable. It's easy to engage in safe sex with all these options. So really there's no excuse people! The address to the Chelsea Health Clinic is 303 9th Ave 1st floor, New York, NY 10001. They test for everything including HIV and no insurance needed!
Some more pros from my Instagram followers:
@ola___dele says, "we are the most diverse city in the world, we have a huge selection of females to choose"
@therealyinz says, "the city is fun, so it's always endless date ideas."
@kelseyannlogan says, "FREE DRINKS/ FREE FOOD"
@darkertheberry says, "you can find u a nigga with money lol"
@missa.d.d says, "close enough to be together but far enough to have your spaces when needed"
@hot.messica says, "there's a lot of options so no biggie if u ghost or get ghosted"
So folks, the list of pros ad cons may be discouraging or encouraging depending on how you look at it. I'm positive what's meant for you will come... but only when you're truly ready! For people who've had negative experiences you may just be in the wrong clique, branch out! For my people who've had positive experiences I'm happy for you. We're rooting for all of you!! All my hopeless romantics your lover is probably out there so don't lose hope. We all find love and relationships at different stages, stay positive!
Good luck to you all, until next time...
